“If you are that busy that you can’t even find one day to visit me in the next month then you have a serious problem with your schedule.” These words shot an arrow through my heart. Do you have someone in your life that heaps guilt on you like a caretaker shoveling the last bit of dirt on a grave?
Here are 4 powerful tips to help you set your boundaries:
- Awareness – First off you have the right to protect and preserve your time, energy and money. You are 100% responsible for how you let others treat you and in putting those lines in the sand.
- Acceptance – Rome wasn’t built in a day. It is important you are loving and kind to yourself. Some feelings of guilt may follow your boundary setting. Especially if this is your first time doing this with this person.
- Action steps – Become aware by taking a break and ask yourself these questions:
- How do I feel about what she/he just said or did? “Sad/angry/hurt/frustrated?”
- What was is it they said/did that upset me? “Does this person commonly make these critical comments? Texting me and expecting me to be available any time? Does this person always have problems that only I can solve?
- What do I want from them in the future?
- When this happened….. I felt……… For future I need…..
- Anchor yourself to stay consistent with your boundaries
- take a deep breath
- meditate – visualize the person 15 feet across from you with a cord connected from them to you. Lovingly imagine you cutting the cord & let your eyes say “I care about you however this needs to stop now.”
- If feelings of guilt follow setting a boundary, ask yourself, “What would I feel without the guilt? E.g. free, happy. Choose happiness. Get busy and focus your attention on something that brings you joy. Go for a walk, exercise, call a friend, laugh.